


Mission to Invite

by Venstar



Series: Mission Transcripts [1]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Fun, M/M, Prompt Fill, transcript style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 08:36:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7525873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venstar/pseuds/Venstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was just supposed to be the weekly read through, followed by Tanner summarizing the bullet points to M.  Unfortunately, Mallory had requested unedited copies of the most recent missions, regardless as to if they were complete.  007 and 006’s joint mission had been part of that call for transcripts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mission to Invite

**Author's Note:**

> \--another prompt fill for the 007 Fest!  
> \--I asked someone to randomly select one for me again and they chose #15 "You're too damn cute" and I combined it with another random writing prompt: Take a minute to clear your head. Then set a timer for ten minutes. Start with the phrase “Listen, children …” Write whatever comes into your head until the timer goes off. THIS IS THE RESULT.  
> \--I know a little Russian, so I'm hoping my sparse knowledge actually fits the spots i chose to use it. and that it means something like what i hopefully remember, see end notes for translation  
> \--I tried a different type of format than i would normally use. Trying to exercise the old brain muscles.

_ Mission Transcript  UKR-000678-060916 _

 

_Q:_

_ Listen children, you’re beginning to create a very hostile living environment for your parents, and I don’t appreciate it.  You will cease arguing right this minute and do what I tell you.   _

 

******006:**

**Who are our parents?**

 

_ Q: _

_ Beg pardon? _

 

**006:**

**You said we had parents.**

 

007:

You did

 

**006:**

**Yes, so who are our parents.  Is M our mum and are you are da?**

 

007:

Mm.  Do we have to be siblings? 

 

_ Q: _

_ I’m not going to dignify that with a response.   _

 

**006:**

**You just did.**

 

007:

I feel like I’m suddenly developing a sudden daddy kink. 

 

_ Q: _

_ I regret that slip.  Immensely _

 

**006:**

**Oooh ooh, can Moneypenny be our big sister?**

 

007:

You know, she’ll never let us hear the end of it if she’s our big sister.

 

**006:**

**Good point.  What about R?**

 

007:

Oh yes, R would make a lovely big sister.  She’ll give us clever toys when Mum and Da gets mad at us.

 

_ Q: _

_ Right, that’s it, if you don’t cease your childish prattle, I’m going to send you off with nothing but toothpicks and that cheap duct tape knock off. _

 

**006:**

**Oh no, not the cheap duct tape.**

 

007:

That stuff is dreadful.  I suppose we should behave.

 

_ Q: _

_ I say you will behave. _

 

007:

Yes Father.

 

**006:**

**We are getting the job done, you know.**

 

007:

006 is right.  We’re following mission parameters...mostly.

 

_ Q: _

_ That’s true, you have...except for that time when 006 blew up half of the apartment complex you were supposed to be monitoring.   Yes, yes let’s reward your good behavior with treats.  I am currently uninstalling your copies of angry birds off of your mobiles. _

 

**006:**

**You wouldn’t!** **Еб твою мать** **!**

 

007:

Oh.  You’ve upset 006 with your digital form of punishment...daddy.  

 

**006:**

**I don’t see why we have to behave.**

 

007:

Hmm, I see your point.

 

_ Q: _

_ Point?  What point? _

 

**006:**

**If we behave, we won’t get spanked when we get home.**

 

007:

That’s right.  I do love a good spanking.  Do you think Mum will do it or Da?

 

_ Q: _

_ For…you know these conversations are recorded, don’t you? _

 

007:

Well, we won’t tell Mum if you won’t.

 

_ Q: _

_ Stop calling M Mum.   _

 

**006:**

**He’ll be glad to hear we think so highly of him.**

 

_ Q: _

_ *strangled noise*  NO, no, he will NOT be happy to hear himself called Mum on this transcript and speaking of, STOP calling me Da! _

 

007:

Alright, alright.

 

**006:**

**Just do us one favor Q.**

 

_ Q: _

_ *sigh*  What is that, 006. _

 

**006:**

**Can you change the modulation of your mic?**

 

_ Q: _

_ Yes, why? _

 

**006:**

**Do it and then say ‘006, 007, I AM YOUR FATHER!’**

 

007:

*snicker*  

 

_ Q: _

_ I will do no such thing! _

 

007:

Come on Q.  Just once.  Do it just once for us.

 

**006:**

**Пожалуйста**

 

_ Q: _

_ I hate you both...no.  No, no I couldn’t possibly. _

 

**006:**

**Мальчик мой If you do it, I’ll be your favorite.**

 

_ Q: _

_ That is hardly an incentive 006. _

 

007:

Besides, he already has a favorite.

 

**006:**

**Oh, let me guess, who could that be?  Is it the agent who plays dead for days on end, or the agent who consistently turns off his earpiece?  Maybe it's that agent who doesn't always follow orders or the one who keeps avoiding psych?  Maybe it's the agent who doesn't tell medical that they have several broken ribs when they decide to do his health evaluation?  It could be the one who shot a man in an embassy, in front of witnesses and a camera...pre-Q.  What about the agent who steals cars from Q-branch and let’s Komodo dragons eat their personalized guns?  Could it be THAT agent?**

007:

Thanks for that, 00worstfriendever.

_ Q: _

_ Well, when you put it that way 006, it seems that all of the agents are my favorite. _

 

007:

But I’m your MOST favorite.

 

_ Q: _

_ No 007, you are decidedly not.  Do you know how many people witnessed that event!?  Do you know how many times I had to hack into PETA’s website and erase any and all meetings, discussions, petitions regarding MI-6’s policy of evidence retrieval or lack of retrieval in this case!?  They were not happy that the Komodo dragon ate the gun and then we didn't retrieve it!  Not to mention all the social media platforms I had to go into to delete everyone’s tweets and posts and video and...and..and...IS 006 LAUGHING?  IS THAT GOD AWFUL NOISE HIM LAUGHING BECAUSE IF IT IS I AM REVOKING ALL OF HIS SECURITY CLEARANCES RIGHT NOW AND HE WILL BE COMING HOME ON STEERAGE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CRAPPIEST BOAT I CAN FIND THAT WILL TAKE THE MOST UNFORTUNATE ROUTE ACROSS THE GLOBE, STOPPING AT ANY AND ALL PORTS.  I WILL MAKE YOU...IS HE STILL LAUGHING. _

 

**006:**

**Немного**

 

007:

Yes, 006 is laughing.  Also, our targets have been terminated.  Requesting permission to come home.  Me preferably on first class, 006 is fine with steerage.

 

**006:**

**Oy.  I’ll snap you like a twig and steal your passport and boarding pass.**

 

_ Q: _

_ Unbelieveable.  I’m arranging transportation now.  Don’t even think about coming anywhere near me when you get back.  You’re going to be unavoidably detained in customs when you get back.  _

 

007:

Hmm, that’ll push back the dinner plans I had and it will disappoint my date.  I make it a habit to never disappoint my dates.

 

_ Q: _

_ Well, I’m sorry to not be sorry about disappointing you or your date. _

 

007:

Those dinner plans did include you.

 

_ Q: _

_ Me?  Why is 006 laughing again. _

 

**006:**

**Because you’re too damn cute** **Мальчик мой.** **When 007 means the dinner plans include you...he means that you will be the...** **Серьезно!**

 

007:

Thank you 006, that’s quite enough.  So Q, about dinner?  It appears that my travel plans may delay it...a bit.

 

_ Q: _

_ Um.  Oh look, there’s uh, a situation is...so mission successful and return trip handled.. _

 

007:

Q?

 

_ Q: _

_ R will take over from here and if I hear 006 laugh one more time, there won’t be any dinner. _

 

**006:**

**So that’s a yes!**

 

_ Q: _

_ Yes.  I hate you both.  Q out. _

 

**006:**

**I think that was a yes.  Can I come?**

 

007:

...

__

**006:**

**Maybe next time, Да.**

  
  


Moneypenny sat down on the edge of Tanner’s desk, following his read through of the latest mission transcripts.  It was just supposed to be the weekly read through, followed by Tanner summarizing the bullet points to M.  Unfortunately, Mallory had requested unedited copies of the most recent missions, regardless as to if they were complete.  007 and 006’s joint mission had been part of that call for transcripts.  She was barely able to keep her smile in check as Tanner rubbed his hands over his face and settled back in his chair.  She looked up at Tanner as he rose from his chair and brought his hands up to run his hands back through his hair and grip a handful before dropping his hands down to his sides.  They hung limply as he stared down at his desk, stacked with folders. 

“I would rather have to deal with catastrophic diplomatic events, international terrorism, traitors to the crown and information leaks…,”Tanner trailed off and looked blankly at the wall in front of him.

“He did say that he wanted the unedited versions.” Moneypenny still withheld her smile, but her eyes were sparkling as she looked between Tanner and the transcripts.

Tanner smiled at her, “He did, didn’t he?”

“And we wouldn’t want to get into trouble with Mummy now, would we?”

“No,”  Tanner shook his head, “We certainly wouldn’t.  I do hope...Da will be just as forgiving.”

Moneypenny finally let loose her smile as Tanner gathered up his paperwork and preceded her to M’s office.  

**Author's Note:**

> Еб твою мать! = KIND OF LIKE MOTHER FUCKER OR GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER I LEARNED THIS AGES AGO SO I LOSE SOME OF THE MEANING.
> 
> Пожалуйста = PLEASE
> 
> Мальчик мой = MY BOY/ BOY THAT’S MINE...SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
> 
> Немного - A LITTLE/ A bit.
> 
> Серьезно! - SERIOUSLY or are you serious! kind of meaning.


End file.
